Thursday, May 1, 2014

What Remains

It's been four months since I last posted anything here. I haven't been silent because I didn't have anything to say, but rather because I had everything to say. I sit on the other side of the screen forever changed. I'm still the same one who feels things deeply and types things out and laughs in tense moments. But now I'm that person without a mother alive on the earth. I am still trying to reconcile it all. What it looks like to live in a world where the woman who poured her life into mine no longer breathes the same air that I do. To look up through the leafy trees to see the shimmering sun and know that the woman who raised me isn't anywhere to be found on this green earth. There just aren't enough words to contain the whole of it and that's saying something because you know I'm not known for my brevity.

But there's a story to tell. A really beautiful story about redemption and healing and love--so much love! You cannot begin to imagine how much love washed over me as I experienced the sacred, holy, unmatched encounter that came from watching my mom transition out of this life. All that remained in those moments was unfettered love. Just simple uncomplicated beautiful love and the promise that it never ever fails.

I'll see her again. One day. I don't want to be too eager for it. There's so much living I have left to do. And yet, some days I'm not sure how to so much as put one foot in front of the other with what remains. My mom would tell me to do the best I can and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

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