Thursday, February 16, 2012


So Ainsley and I have been spending a good bit of time together these days. After we moved here I began (in earnest) a search for a little preschool for her to attend a morning or two a week. Well, as I should have guessed, everything's big in Texas! They don't do a morning or two a week they do "Mommy's Day Out". As in the whole day and not just one day but at least two and how about three. Though the idea of having all of that time to myself was more than a wee tempting, I just didn't feel right in my heart about missing all of those hours with the lovie. She's growing so fast. The moments so fleeting. And as I've said before, there's just no one like Ainsley. She is her own little bird. Such a sweet homebody who loves nothing more than to be in her jammies all the livelong day right at home with me. Much as structure is a wonderful development tool, I was reasonably sure that sending her away for three of five days of the week might just rock her world to its precious core. The risk was not worth it to me and the place I really liked didn't have any openings until next year:)

The place I found is through a local church that came highly recommended. One walk through the place and I wanted to enroll myself as a student. Lovely place, lovely people, lovely philosophy. So the bluebird will go there in seven months when we're both a little more ready for some time apart. I'm so excited for her to go. I'm having her little darling bookbag embroidered with her name in the cutest font. Having a precious little cover made for her nap mat and planning already just how cute her little lunch bag will be. All the same, we just weren't ready to say goodbye to one another for so many of the hours in our week. We've become quite a pair us two. I am treasuring the alone time we have after so much of our time has been divided with dear Emie. As I've said before, I'm altogether aware that Ainsley love has never known a mommy with undivided attention. She met me as a mother of two and so I shall always be. But I'm so glad to sneak the moments where we can just hang together and she is really good company.

She does go to a wonderful child care facility at church during my weekly Bible study where she is so well cared for. The same precious teacher looks after her each week. Each time I come to pick her up she bestows another little drop in my bucket with treasures about Ainsley such as: "She is a blessing." "She is such a sweet child." "She is precious." And indeed she is.

The great thing about even little bits of time apart like this is that afterward she is all the more willing to just go with me any old where. Errands? Yes! To the market? She's game. Target? Let's go! And today we did just that... headed out for errands with her glad just for my company. This isn't always the case for the girl who just loves to be at home together. As we were walking hand in hand through Target she took my hand to her lips and kissed it softly saying, "Mama, you make me so happy." It's these little affirmations that just set my feet on solid ground and send me sailing all at once. For years I have daily prayed for wisdom. I mean I ask for it all of the time. All of the time. It's one of the few things in the Bible that God says to ask for and it will be given freely without finding fault. I have tested this promise and it's proven true time and time again.

I know that in the stead of hours alone I have a young daughter who knows that I thoroughly enjoy her company and am so glad to be with her. This security frees her to give back to me by gladly going along on errand she'd not otherwise choose for herself. God has given me some wisdom to parent these girls the way He'd have it. Oh, I need so much more. But I have learned that it's not only okay to listen to the rhythms of your little one but to follow their lead sometimes. It doesn't mean they are running the house. It doesn't mean you've lost control (because that's never what you were after anyway...we're going for influence here -- not control). It does, however, mean you esteem the value of security. That I want our little one to know that I will study them, come to understand how best they will thrive and that I am willing to (when possible) to alter my plans a little so that they might find some sweet abundance in their young life.

On a more random note, I was thinking today just how many nicknames Ainsley has. Ironic because a colleague of Dirk's (in hearing our idea for a girl's name when we were expecting her) said "You might consider the fact that you can't really make a nickname out of that." Well, how about this Tom? The girl answers to all of these:

The lovely
Lu lu
The A love
La la
Dream come true

2 Comments so far - Add yours!

  1. Oh how I LOVE this story! Though I love my kids both the same, I do appreciate the time I can spend with each one alone. So love you have a shopping partner and that she loves you so much. You're doing a great job! Love you guys so much! :)

  2. those are just about the best knicknames an ainsley love could ever hope to have. my heart swells knowing she and the eldest lamb are growing up in such love, grace and truth. He delights and shares it with us.